Alternative horoscope
Laxtrix (the Desperate Whore) – Jan 7 – Feb 5
Some of those you meet will seem uninterested in you. Even if it’s not your fault, perhaps you should take the hint? Don’t try too hard, and don’t worry about it. Treat it as an opportunity to relax and make the most of your own company.
Putitinia (the Spread Legs) – Feb 6 – Mar 9
Your generosity will make you the centre of attention. This might be risky, but if you open yourself for others, they will be more likely to give you what you need. It’s best to be natural, but if things need a bit of lubrication to work, take the opportunity.
Nodix (the Lesbians)– Mar 10 – Apr 8
Friends are important; so if you get into a group that you really feel at home with, hold them close. You may find that things go deeper than you expected. And you might encourage your friends to get along a lot better, too.
Tremulus (the Vibrator) – Apr 9 – May 9
Remember, you can do a lot more than sometimes you give yourself credit for. Don’t rush into things: take your time, and you will gain more from your experiences. And if you do find something you really enjoy, why not go all in?
Andfuls (the Hearty Rack) – May 10 – Jun 8
You’re naturally bouncy, and you show yourself to your best advantage when you’re at your most energetic. Don’t over-restrain yourself around others. Once all eyes are on you, you will find that life grabs you with both hands.
Normustic (the Priapic Satyr) – Jun 9 – Jul 8
You know what you want, and there isn’t much that can keep you from getting it. Hold yourself to the fore, and make a beeline for your goal. And if there are several options, you don’t have to choose – just take them all, one after the other.
Owel (the Rebuffed Advance) – Jul 9 – Aug 7
Things could get painful this week. You’re not one to give up once you’ve set your mind on something, but repeated setbacks may be a slap to the face. Press your point if you must; just don’t be surprised if you can’t get it across.
Morsamerria (the Orgy) – Aug 8 – Sep 7
There is opportunity all around you, and you know exactly how to take advantage of it. There’s no need to waste your time – feel your way, and listen to your instincts. Once you’ve had enough in one place, move to the next, and enjoy everything.
Kiizinat (the Swingers) – Sep 8 – Oct 7
There will be moments where it feels like you have difficult choices. Don’t overthink: you have less control than you might like, and luck will inevitably play a major part. Your best bet is to put yourself in position where all options look good.
Taitenav (the Rope Harness) – Oct 8 – Nov 5
You’re in a vulnerable position this week: your hands are tied, and you’re not free to do everything you might want to. It’s not all bad, though. Others can help you get to where you need to be. Perhaps you will end up wanting a tighter bond.
Wasatit (the Disappointing Orgasm) – Nov 6 – Dec 6
Be honest with yourself, you were expecting more: more passion, more fireworks. But life isn’t always like that. Sometimes things end not with a bang, but with a whimper. It’s not the end of the world, though, and things may come up again in future.
Banganawei (the Quickie) – Dec 7 – Jan 6
Dawdling is for the faint of heart. Don’t waste time on preparation – just keep your eyes and ears open. If something you like crosses your path, get in there and take it. When you’ve got it, don’t delay, but move off and be ready for the next thing.